“I GOT YOUR BITCH”
AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A BLACK GIRL SURVIVING IN A SMALL TOWN INFESTED WITH VAMPIRES (& OTHER SUPERNATURAL FUCKERS)
BY TARA THORNTON
DON’T LET THE ELENAS OF THE WORLD GET YOU DOWN! STAY STRONG :)
You know what we need ya’ll a series of letters from one black girl to another on these damned shows.
so my best friend’s vagina attracts trouble to my home town. when’s an appropriate time to bounce when this bitch is constantly in danger?
p.s. i’m also in love with the ratchet little brother of my even more ratchet “bf”. how do i move on?
I feel your pain. Same with my so-called bf. This bitch actually got me turned into a vampire and now it seems I got a whole family of white bitches fuckin’ wi’ me. Still the vampires are more loyal around here than regular people so maybe in a twisted kinda’ way its for the best.
Anyway don’t try to leave when the shit hits the fan somehow you’ll just be brought back. During one of those rare moments of peace, when no one is thinking about you because they don’t need you quietly slip away. By the time some more trouble starts you’ll be long gone.
P.S. As for her ratchet ass brother make a nice long list of all the shitty things his ass has ever done to you and read it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. Before you know it your feelings for him will be a thing of the past. If you still can’t get over him check in with Martha Jones she’s good at walkin’ away from ratchet ass men, even when they’re aliens.
My name is Guinevere. My friends call me Gwen. I’ve been imprisoned, left to fend for myself when my father was unjustly executed, abandoned by my trifling brother (who ever so conveniently showed up in my life once I started dating this rich guy who I’m now married to), beaten up and almost killed by the ghost of my husband’s psychobatshit racist classist dad - a guy I took care of for a year when he was still alive! It’s hard out here for a queen, yet still I rise.
Anyhow, I need friends. Female friends. Bonus points if they’re women of color. It gets lonely here in my kingdom. My husband’s always off on quests. My former bestie Morgana is now cold as ice. She was like the popular/pretty but insecure girl who can’t stand for any of her friends to look better than her, or date the hottest guy in the room (even if that hottest guy is her half-brother. Homegirl’s got issues! I blame their dad).
My most recent handmaiden seemed like she would have been a good friend, but she turned out to be a backstabbing bitch. There’s an older queen in the next town over named Annis. She’s pretty cool, but I’d like to hang with women my own age. This chick named Mithian is scheduled to stop by next week. She seems cool, but seeing as how she was the one who was “arranged” to marry my husband before he grew a pair and declared his love for me….being in a room with her could be awkward. We’ll see how that goes.
There was this one princess I liked named Elena. I met her way back when I was a handmaiden myself. She was blonde and spazzy and really good at horseriding.
Any tips for starting a sister circle? We don’t yet have meetup groups or Facebook in medieval Wales.
Damn girl you get mad props for sticking through that shit. You’re Queen in more ways than one.
I’m working on a solution to our sister circle needs with the help of a witch named Bonnie. Soon we’ll be able to meet each other on the astral plane to which lessers cannot ascend.
In the meantime I’d use some of that Queenly prerogative to make your fit Knights strip down and fight in mud and rain for the chance to feed you hand-pitted cherries from a silver bowl.
You’ll hear from me soon!
P.S: Whatever you do, don’t let anymore white handmaidens touch your hair.
they looked SO GOOD together at the decade dance!!!!
please god, stop with the damon x elena—-it’s getting stale and i miss my OTP!!!